5 Square Enix houses we’d live in - Community Edition

We’re still looking to get on the property ladder, and the Square Enix community had some ideas for where to go…
By Duncan Heaney
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A few weeks ago, we posted an article about the Square Enix locations that we’d consider moving into.

In case you missed it, we looked at a lot of hugely desirable properties from many of our best games. So naturally, most of you told us we were wrong.

Instead, you had plenty of ideas of your own - and, in fairness, many of them were better choices than ours. Most of them are still standing for one thing.

So here are 5 Square Enix locations that YOU, the fans, would live in.


Note: Spoilers for FINAL FANTASY VII, FINAL FANTASY X-2 and Deus Ex.


Balamb Garden - FINAL FANTASY VIII

One of the most suggested locations was FINAL FANTASY VIII’s Balamb Garden.

Ooh - a garden! Nice.

Yeah, about that… don’t get fooled by the name. It’s actually a training academy.

Wait - are you telling me that of all the places in all the worlds of Square Enix, fans would choose to live in a school?

I know - I was surprised too. I mean, just think about it - tiny dorm rooms, school dinners and regular exams. And the constant Phys Ed - duels, fighting bombs in fire caverns … oh boy, I’m getting tired just thinking about it.

Ugh. Does it at least have a garden in it?

Well, it does have the training center. Nice outdoorsy space, beautiful scenery with lots of trees… it’s pretty nice actually.

Cool. Sounds like a good place to eat lunch.

Yeah… might be more accurate to say it’s a good place to be lunch. There are man-eating T-Rexaurs in there!

I thought this place was a school!?

Okay - I con-SeeD that there may be better places to live.

Stop.


Adam Jenson’s apartment - Deus Ex: Mankind Divided

So great news, under advisement from the community, we’ve moved you into Adam Jenson’s Prague apartment from Deus Ex: Mankind Divided.

I didn’t ask for this.

Stop complaining. It’s one of the most fully-featured homes on this list, with all the mod-cons you could ever hope for. Well, future-cons technically.

There’s a fully fitted kitchen, with all the cereal you can eat, a computer so you can check your email, hidden compartments, a smart security system… even a full-blown armory.

And it’s secure right?

Of course! Apartments in the Deus Ex universe are fully protected with locks, passwords… all the security features you could hope for.

…all of which are admittedly fairly easy to hack if you know how. Or can afford some Nuke software. Or have a multi-tool.

I… see. Anything else to watch out for?

Well the neighbors are an… interesting bunch. I mean, how many apartment complexes have machine-worshipping cults and their own black market tech dealer?

And it’s not out of the question that your apartment may be ransacked by mercenaries every now and then.

Yeah, I’m going to Deus Exit this one, I’m afraid.

Fair enough.


Zozo residence - FINAL FANTASY VI

At least one member of the Square Enix community suggested a property in the FINAL FANTASY VI town of Zozo.

It has lots of high rises, so there’s plenty of inside living space available. That’s pretty important in this town. Because it’s always raining.

Always?

Afraid so, It may not be the nicest town in all of Square Enix, but it’s probably the wettest.

Wonderful. Are the people nice at least?

In the words of one of the residents: “Great people here! You can trust everything they say!”

…unfortunately, everyone in the town is a liar.

In fact, it’s a pretty rough neighborhood to be honest. You’ll definitely be mugged if you walk the streets. Multiple times in fact.

Bad weather, violent neighbors… so basically, I’d be trapped in the apartment watching the clock?

Well, actually clocks are kind of a problem too in Zozo. You can’t see the time without solving a logic puzzle first.

Is there anything good about this place?

Erm… the background music is pretty awesome?

Sigh. Maybe we should look for somewhere away from other people…

Well actually, the community suggested the perfect place!


Read more:


The Celsius - FINAL FANTASY X-2

They say that your perfect home should move you. If that’s the case, the Celsius is the perfect place to live.

It’s an… airship?

Yep! You can soar the skies in your very own airborne home. The Celsius has everything you could want - beds, stores, and regularly replenished treasure chests. And most importantly, no neighbors to annoy you.

Sounds like the perfect place for some peace and quiet!

Ah… not really.

See, there may not be neighbors, but there is a crew, and they can be a little… boisterous. Buddy, Brother and Shinra are each lovable in their own way, but Brother especially… well, quiet he is not.

And then there’s the fact that you never know when the Celsius deck might be used for an impromptu pop concert.

Plus the engine noise… the alarms when the sphere detector goes off. You know, the more I think about it, the worse an idea this seems.

Land this thing. Now.

The Gold Saucer - FINAL FANTASY VII

Okay, here’s another common suggestion then. The Gold Saucer combines glitz, glamour and one heck of an upbeat theme tune.

Help! I can’t get it out of my head!

I know, right?

Anyway, this world-famous tourist attraction isn’t quiet, but it makes up for it by offering up a crazy number of things to do.

Yeah? Like what?

How’s about (deep breath): snowboarding, motorcycle racing, submarine piloting, chocobo racing, arena battles, Moogle stories, the theatre, a rollercoaster, a gondola, fortune tellers, a violent prison, shopping… the list goes on!

Wow. That’s a lot of… wait, a PRISON?

Ah. Well, the Gold Saucer is built over a desert, and that sandy nightmare is used to incarcerate some of Gaia’s most violent criminals.

But don’t worry, they almost never get up into the building itself and cause mayhem.

I’m concerned by the use of 'almost'.

And you probably won’t be blamed for those crimes and thrown in prison yourself.

I’m even more concerned by the use of 'probably'.

And all this for just a 3,000 gil entry fee. Or 30,000 for a lifetime pass.

30,000 gil?!? You know what? I’m just going to take my chances in Midgar instead - I see that a number of fans recommend Sector 7.

…Well, it’s probably quite easy to find an available flat.

Good - if I went all that way for nothing, I’d be crushed.


Those were the Square Enix houses you suggested. Got any more ideas? Let us know:

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